Word Vomitt

It’s been a month of Sundays since I’ve blogged! My life has seriously been taking me for a ride and I had to seriously make some decisions about my life! I’d taken on a stans that I had yet to take in life and was solely focusing on my potiential to earn money! And money I did earn but during the process I was killing myself! I was completely miserable! I thought to myself I’m a young woman with very little responsibility in life and shouldn’t be sacrificing my happiness for a dollar! So that was that! lmao! Although I will miss having a huge paycheck every week, I’d rather make chump change and have a great quality if life filling my days with things I love….music, tear, art and fashion! I guess I shall used the words of the great  Lil Wanye when I say….I’m back on my grizzy I’m a bonafide hustler!!!!

Anyway so much has been going on…first the craziness of my life then MJ…OMG! things just keep getting crazier and crazier…But I’m living my life like it’s golden! Honestly saying F the world!

Finally I’ve reunited with my natural freakin senses!!! Thanks Allah, Jesus, Jehovah, Buddah and all the rest of the Gods…

Today I realized that its going to be a long hard road to find someone who respects the fact that I don’t believe in religion…I just don’t! I NEVER have…its always seemed like people have the hardest time accepting the fact that I truly think religion is BS…all religion, not just one or the other….this morning I had the largest fight with my now ex girlfriend over religion…she’s a Christian and always tries to put me in the Muslim box because my parents are Muslims…I’m NOT a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddist, a Hindi or anything else…I respect when people truly are dedicated to whatever they believe in…but I also feel like people just want to belong so badly they latch on to anything including religion…I mean no disrespect to any religious folks but just as u believe what you believe, I believe what I believe! Why is it that your beliefs are valid but mine aren’t! I feel like I’ve been having this fight for almost half of my life…with my mother, classmates and now my ex girlfriend…wtf? I guess I’m the asshole for not believing in Christ on Easter and not altering my opininion on this day…but honestly I truly don’t care!
In my younger years I used to hide under the “I’m Muslim” mask to validate my attitude about the issue of religion…but now I feel no shame at all when I say I don’t believe in religion! Nore do “Holy Books” mean more to me than the books I have on beauty…they are in my eyes no different from any other NY Times best seller…if the need to downside came about they would prob get trashed way before some books of Poetry… and that’s the honest truth…the ones that I do have came from my parents…a Quran a gift from my mother that I’ve never read a line of and a Bible from my father’s things left in his place after he died… these books have no meaning to me other than what I explained eariler…
At this point I’m truly just venting about my pointless fight this morning over something I could care less about…Religion!!! Ahhhhhh! But whatever…better we end now that waste anymore of my time only to break up over something as pointless as religion….

So this is a quickie because I’m at the new job completely disregarding the rules but I’m so annoyed with this hating ass girl here! lol

There’s this girl at the job that dresses very fashion forward and in almost all situations she would be considered fly! But this Spanish girl who is a health freak but is chubby calls the way she dresses weird! wt? is the problemo??? I just don’t get it! This girl is good looking about 5′9″ and dresses very trendy & fem…she looks great to me! But everyday this girl tends to bash what she’s wearing! Most people here are dressing in jeans and sneakers looking rather frumpy…myself included! There are about 75 people who dress professional and I’m guessing it’s because it’s their preference!

I guess I truly don’t understand why anyone would want to hate on anyone expressing their indivuality in a work place that encourages it minus a few minor things!

Conclusion….Bitches need to hate only when it’s warranted!

I start my new job tomorrow and I’m sort of having “The New Job Jitters”! I’m sure it’s my social anxiety kicking in, the thought of entering a new circle always makes me semi-nervous! I dread the inital meeting… the ice breaker…the whole my name is ____ and I’m from____ and blah, blah, blah!!! Oh I just hate it! But the upside is that this job will pay me more than any other job has ever! While it’s not a shit load of money it’s still a great deal to me! So I’m pretty excited!

I decided to put school off…now I totally loved the thought of the  MBA program and I may actually revisit that chapter but as for now I am going to focus on the new job and apply to a few MFA programs and see what happens…I’m truly at a cross roads in life where I have to decided what my life will be…I mean not it’s end all and be all…but I need to focus on one thing! If it’s going to be writing I totally need to take it seriously, so here I am….decisions, decisions!

In a perfect world I would write all day until I learned how to write the right way. And once I learned how to write the right way, I’d write the right way until I mastered the right way to write! At the moment I became a Master of Words I’d scream from my roof top all the words I love! I’d scream the words I love until I could scream no more! Until my voice was no longer strong enough to project my love manifesto…then I would simply mouth my words! I would mouth my words in silence hoping my love would allow those watching to some how silently hear me…to hear me declare my love… In a perfect world I would fill my days with those I love…and do nothing else!

So a few weeks back  G blogged about her Five Wives and inspired this…
But I couldn’t get it down to five…I truly love these ladies!

1.Halle Berry
My first love! This woman made me realize I was a lesbian! LMAO!

2.Thandie Newton
I love her in every movie she’s in…I feel in love somewhere between Beloved and Dope Fiend

3.Persia White
I love her music and everything about her look! Ultimately Sexy!!!

4.Lisa Bonet
Once she locked her hair and got those tats…I was all hers! lol

5.Amerie
I think she is PERFECT!

6.Erykah Badu
I think her Essence made me love her…it’s way more than her beauty!

7.Phyllis Hyman
She touches my Soul…I feel her! I wish she saw her Beauty!

8.Sade
She seduced me when I was about 12…LOL

9.Solange
I just adore her!

10.Mia Kirshner
If you read the blog u know I love Jenny! But the truth is Mia is very pretty to me…the dark hair and eyes always wins!

One Honorable Mention
Dita Von Teese
I don’t think I need to say anthing!

So here it is…the women I love…

So I guess I’m adding to the current economic crisis! I’m officially unemployed! As you guys know I’d been hating my job for quite some time, prior to the promotion and even more after it…I had been contemplating quiting for about 3 months! But the month of February was the worst! Everyday I would literally force myself not to just put my coat on in leave in the middle of the day….almost everyday! I was afraid that I would get unemployment if I quit so I guess I wanted to get fired (although I’d never been fired before) lol…I almost completely stopped working and I had no concern completely about my job…

On Monday I guess in my mind I had pretty much quit! I didn’t go in to work and it barely snowed in my city! Then on Tuesday I completely didn’t want to go in but forced myself…my train was delayed about an hour which made it even worst…once I was in the elevator I was tempted to actually go back down and leave…but I stayed! The boss had sent me an email saying she wanted to meet with me… We met at the end of the day and we both agreed that it wasn’t working….She asked me what was going on with me and I said I didn’t think it was working and she then agreed! I was kinda like WTF? Did I quit or get fired! I guess it was a bit of both! I quit and I got fired!

I’m not even tripping! The job I was hoping would come through for me actually did! I got hired about three weeks ago after taking a test, drug test and last I was waiting for my background check to come back and it did last week! I’m super excited! The pay is great as well as several other thing! I’m pretty amped!

But I am totally enjoying these two weeks off! And the unemployment pay that’s coming along with it! lol

So its been a while since my last blog but honestly I’ve had a lot going on.

I was super sick! I was having major stomach issues for about a week! Lucky I’m recovering pretty well…but I think I caught a cold this week…lol

I started my pre MBA seminars…which they call “boot camp”….. its been pretty intense! Accounting, Math and Economics….I know the basics so, its a pretty decent intro/refresher. I like the program although I think it’s going to be pretty rough for me this first semseter…

I’ve started looking for a new job because I offically HATE my job! Not because its hard…but because its annoying! I’ve had a few interviews this week…so wish me luck! (One place was really sunny and I love natural sunlight…especially in the warm climate! I’m hoping I get that job! Its a nice managerial position in a showroom, plus it would fall in line perfectly especially since I’m in a MBA program…right? Lol)

I recently became very interested in seriously watching what I put into my body! Not because I care what it looks like as much as I care about what it feels like! I’ve pretty much NEVER had the desire to be a vegan…because I love meat…but now I’m seriously on an organic…natural foods kick…Fast Food just isn’t as fullfilling as a real meal! I’m dying for a fresh greens, mango chicken salad!

I spent most of my morning reading a few new blogs…a few were good…but mostly women complaining one way or another about man problems…that simply bothers me! Shit beyond current events don’t people have anything to talk about? I know I’m not the best blogger, but I believe my blog to be a bit introspective! And I guess I would like to read more blogs like my own! (I really like a few blogs that I haven’t added and will post a blog on the blogs I love!)

I realized that I am extremely superficial! Its completely out of control! I knew I was pretty much rude….( once my LS asked me why I cut her off, and I said because I feel like I have something better to say! Lol! Bad part is I truly meant it!) but lately I’ve found out that I’m superfical to a point where its almost controling almost all my activities! Lol I usually don’t like to talk to people I find unattractive because its hard for me to actually look at them! Lol I know in many ways this seems a bit hilarious…but its pure truth! I especially have a hard time with people with bad skin and bad teeth! The crazy part is I have met some great people and couldn’t form friendships with them because I couldn’t look at them because I found them unattractive…and I tend to stare and wonder how they got that way…even children…which I know is horrible! Funny thing is, I’m not the most attractive person! I mean…I think I’m REALLY pretty with a few things that can be changed…but for the most part I’m happy with my looks… but I have a MAJOR weight problem! And to be honest! I truly don’t like FAT people…basically because I don’t understand it…I’m sure that my being on the heavy side is pure punishment for all my horrible thoughts about FAT people….lmao!

But anyway back to how I’ve realized it was out of control, while I was reading blogs today…and if I came across a picture and the blogger was unattractive I had to stop reading their blog! Wtf? In some way or another it registered in my head that unattractive peoples thoughts aren’t valid! Lmao! I truly don’t know where or how this started but I’ve felt like this pretty much all my life and I want it to stop!

I know this blog is just massive random thought but hey….its been a while!
Later
Dav!

If you have ever read my blog you know two things:
1. I’m a Lesbian
2. I love Kanye

And at this moment I LOVE the fact Kanye is turningLEZZIES straight! lmao!!! I’m sure every lesbian who reads this prob will think I’m crazy…but I love it….and since my short thick ass ain’t Yeezy’s type…I saying to Amber….YOU BETTER WORK BITCH!!! lol

By the way…IALWAYS thought Yeezy’s should date a Lezzie!  don’t know why…but I totally always had this in mind! lol